A solemn mass

I recall, as a young man of 16, playing Bass Violin with the Oregon East Symphony in Pendleton. One of the concerts for the season featured only one work: Beethoven’s Missa Solemnis (Solemn Mass). His last symphonic work, written after the ninth symphony, it takes a full 80 minutes to play and calls for a lot of personnel.

I’ll never forget the long rehearsals, the continuous sawing away and the turning of page after page of music. It must have been 30+ pages long. I remember thinking, even on the day of the performance, more than once, “I have no memory of this page. Have I ever played this before?”. My music education was hit and miss, but that was one of the finer moments: Participating in the generation of a beautiful epic while simultaneously being run through the sight-reading gauntlet. It’s exciting to discover you can properly concentrate on something for that long without a moment’s interruption. I can’t say many other things in life have lent themselves to that.

One late-night rehearsal also comes to mind in particular. It must have been about 10:30 PM. Everyone was exhausted. It was past time to leave. Some of us lived nearly 2 hours away. The conductor sighed and announced, “I think we need to run through the fugue again.” I had never before heard a collective groan (though it was quiet) rise up from a room of adults before.

Like many of my favorite memories, they have virtually nothing to do with my own alleged cleverness, coolness, or other such thing. This one sort of just fell in my lap. Pleni sunt caeli et terra gloria tua.

Critical insight = skepticism?

Many scholars today believe their critical insight develops in proportion to increasing skepticism. texts that were formerly thought to contain real information are now suspect because they have been constantly reinterpreted by successive generations of historians.

-Rene Girard, The Scapegoat, p.1

Here is wishing the folks that think the text means nothing would all just quit and go home. It reminds me of these comments on “trivial criticism”.

There often seems to be a competition among higher academics as to who can explain away or demythologize away the most meaning from their topic of study. This would be self-defeating without tenure. Witness Bishop Spong’s comments a while back that the only reason he is still a Christian (on paper) is he doesn’t want to loose his job.

On renaming things to make us feel better

I just started reading Rene Girard’s The Scapegoat. Just a few pages in, it’s proving to be worth the time.

A disease with a name seems on the way to a cure, so uncontrollable phenomena are frequently renamed to create the impression of control. Such verbal exorcisms continue to appeal wherever science remains illusory or ineffective.

-Rene Girard, The Scapegoat, p.4

“Verbal exorcisms” is a useful phrase – a handy synonym to “linguistic hand-waving”.

In a somewhat-related instance, I was reading over the documentation on my daughter’s glaucoma medication tonight and came across this line:

The precise mechanism of the ocular hypotensive action of TIMOPTIC-XE is not clearly established at this time.

That’s the long version of “we’re not really sure how the hell it works”.

That’s OK though, because it does work.

Contrast that with this recent statement from the U.S. Federal Reserve:

“To support a stronger economic recovery and to help ensure that inflation, over time, is at levels consistent with the dual mandate, the Committee expects to maintain a highly accommodative stance for monetary policy.”

Which is the long version of “Things are bad, but we’re going to look busy”.

Calling the economic situation in America a “recovery” only makes any sense if it’s former height of growth and glory was REAL and not imaginary markets and numbers on a banker’s letterhead. Calling it a “recovery” is an attempt to establish control over something we do not have control over. Instead, like so much of the world has always known – this is the NEW NORMAL. “Recession” was a better word, though it still granted the former fake glory days legitimacy they didn’t deserve. “Depression” is one that nobody wants to touch with a ten-foot pole but accurately names what people on the ground feel.

Ways to deal with the problem of evil

Alastair’s recent thoughts on the subject caused me to jot down a list of common ways that people deal with the problem of evil.

If God is really all-powerful, why is there so much suffering in the world? Why do hundreds of children starve to death every day? How come there is so much hate and slaughter? Why doesn’t God do something about it?

Some options:

How to deal with the problem of evil:

1. God CAN’T because he doesn’t exist. (Atheism)

2. God CAN’T because he is sufficiently distant from human affairs. (Deism)

3. God CAN’T because he is not powerful enough (Open theism, Demi-theism, Mormonism)

4. God CAN’T because he is sometimes overpowered by the devil. (Dualism)

5. God CAN, but doesn’t because he is evil. (Cult of Cthulu?, Unbelief)

6. God CAN, but doesn’t because he is in fact instituting the slaughter so it isn’t technically evil since he wills it. (Hard Calvinism, Nominalism, Islam)

7. God CAN, and in fact WILL do something about it, just not yet. (Future redemption and undoing, Some versions on the borders of universalism)

8. God CAN, but isn’t because he does not want to interfere with the will of man (or at least some men), which is apparently more important. (Popular non-reformed Christianity)

9. God CAN, sort of, but we don’t really understand what’s going on and are asking the wrong question to begin with. (Philosophical doubt)

10. God CAN, but doesn’t and I’m not sure why and it pissed me off, but I trust him regardless. (Mystery, trust)

—–

At this point, I’m a pretty big fan of #7 above, though #9 and #10 have some merit, despite being naturally unsatisfying. Few of the saints of old were theologians. For most of them, #10 was the norm.

For moderation and diversity (Lewis)

With the family growing from 5 to 6 total, I’ve barely touched the blog or books in the past 3 weeks. I picked up a copy of Lewis’s God in the Dock a while back and have been working through it really slowly. It’s a mix of short (usually 3-5 page) essays on all sorts of topics. Many of the pieces are early, early explorations into what later turned into entire books or at least several chapters worth of material. His thought process is interesting. Lewis is such a clear thinker; I’m always amazed at how little nonsense he speaks compared to other thinkers.

At the same time, It has been a little bit jarring to read a couple of ranting essays that are rather uncharacteristic of him. Some of these were written quickly for the opinion section of the local paper. It’s actually encouraging though to see something from Lewis that isn’t that good.

To keep the blog from growing completely arthritic, I though I would post a few good excerpts from Lewis during the next week or two.

I really like this next passage as an apology for moderation in all things. You can apply this to just about everything imaginable.

The woman who makes a dog the centre of her life loses, in the end, not only her human usefulness and dignity but even the proper pleasure of dog-keeping.  The man who makes alcohol his chief good loses not only his job but his palate and all power of enjoying the earlier (and only pleasurable) levels of intoxication.  It is a glorious thing to feel for a moment or two that the whole meaning of the universe is summed up in one woman—glorious so long as other duties and pleasures keep tearing you away from her. But clear the decks and so arrange your life (it is sometimes feasible) that you will have nothing to do but contemplate her, and what happens?

Of course this law has been discovered before, but it will stand re-discovery. It may be stated as follows: every preference of a small good to a great, or partial good to a total good, involves the loss of the small or partial good for which the sacrifice is made. Apparently the world is made that way…You can’t get second things by putting them first. You get second things only by putting first things first.

-C.S. Lewis, First and Second Things, God in the Dock, p.280

Language Exhaustion

I can’t say I’ve often felt like the young man in this old Far Side comic. Learning can be hard work, but I always feel like my physical body breaks down into sleep or exhaustion before my mind is satiated. Neverthless, I HAVE felt my brain hurt tonight wrestling with the foreign language of my daughter.

My wife and I learned about 350 Amharic words using flashcards every day for the month preceding her arrival. About 100 of those have come in really handy in understanding her. We’ve been able to add about 20 more to the list now that she is home. Still, there are so many things she insists on saying and repeating again and again that I just can’t understand.

One problem with toddlers is that they aren’t exactly articulate – and I mean in the sense of raw phonetics. Being a bit loose on vowels and replacing an “eh” with an “ih” can suddenly make it nearly impossible to sort out in the dictionary, especially when working with the (still confusing) Ge’ez syllabic script. No, none of the dictionaries use IPA or Latin transliterations (including the online ones). In addition, verbs are conjugated with not just a suffix, but also a prefix. The result is that they sound so different than the infinitive, I often can’t pick out what’s in the middle.

Sometimes we can get her to tell us what something is by asking her “what is it?” and putting her hands on it. It’s nice to know that when she says, “Daddy, wetet chammer, dabo bakka” she mans “More milk please and I’m done with my bread”. Still, I think the word I use the most is just “eshi”, which means “OK”, or, in this case, “OK, Just keep talking little girl.”

 

Initial reflection on my new daughter arriving from Africa

I know some of these more personal posts may only be of interest to a few close friends and family members, but they are also here to help me remember – later.

From last Saturday night the day my new daughter arrived:

Absolutely everyone is asleep now. All FOUR children upstairs, and my wife, recovering from severe jetlag. I am here on the couch reading a theological essay. It’s only 9:30 PM, but I feel like collapsing on the couch. I really have no idea what tomorrow holds. I assume that Abi will get up sometime in the middle of the night and will likely not go back to sleep. Not sure what I’m going to do with her – I barely know her! No time like the present to start though. It is certainly strange to have a fully-formed walking talking child “born” into your family. Some people have said that for a while it feels like babysitting. I don’t get that impression at all. All the preparation and meeting her at the orphanage last fall laid the groundwork for me totally and immediately accepting her as my daughter and seeing her as instantly integrated into our family. What that actually looks like day-to-day though is still a big mystery. The hour or so that the children all played together tonight makes things seem very promising though. Remarkably so, especially after a steady diet of terrible stories in books and training material authored by social workers. My expectations had been loosed to be very low indeed. Perhaps needlessly though? The challenges will come, I have no doubt. They come continuously with all three of the other children. Still, so far my only real impression is that she is just like them: fantastic, and very much in need of a father, mother, sisters, and brothers.

A walk downtown after a blizzard

For nine days I was “single-daddin'” it (to turn a noun into a verb) while my wife was picking up our new daughter in Africa. One evening, while my mother-in-law was here to help, I took a break for a couple hours in the evening to walk downtown with my book. A terrible snow-storm had just struck the day before, but then it had briefly thawed and rained for a few hours before freezing again, making for a very unusual shell of sorts on top of the snow. The following is nothing more really than an exercise to write about my walk. I liked a few parts of it though, so I figured I should post it.

The crusted snow covering everything reflects in an impossible fashion, like a bad bump map seen by an early raytracer in the mid nineties. (Would you know what either of those things are if you don’t work in 3D graphics software?) That must be like an artist talking about faded paint and how the colors just don’t look the same since everyone started using those damn curly lightbulbs.

The ice is hard and shimmering, but breaks easily under foot, glove, and especially tire. I’ve helped push two cars out of the snow while on the short walk downtown. We are far enough north that chains offer freedom rather than slavery.

I went looking for a quiet place to read and think and perhaps have a drink. The quiet bar just lost it’s liquor license, so apparently I’ll be drinking water – in a Tom Collins glass, on ice, with a twist of lemon. It just goes to show that presentation is half the story – in more than just cocktails. The snow is treacherous, but beautiful. It also has two stories.

The man at the next table tells a story, revealing himself to be a logger, and the son of a logger no less. He looks the part. He says “God Damn” every other sentence. His friend is a trucker. His choice filler is “fuckin'”. they’ve spent the whole time discussing heavy equipment and engine maintenance. So like men! The ones with Ph.Ds discuss rocket engines, but the conversation is identical.

The crawfish soup is dressed up with tails this time. The cook asks how it is since he usually pulls apart just the meat. I tell him it certainly LOOKS more interesting, but should perhaps come with a crunchy cautionary from the waiter. Agreement ensues.

A couple of girls walk by, on their way to the club. They wear heavy coats but shorts so small they could double as undergarments. If you got to know that girl, what sort of wife and mother would she make? Could it be any more obvious that she expects no one to ask that question? Where she is going, the men aren’t going to ask either. Instead, they could go to certain churches where everyone is asking – but the shorts are a turn-off there, but so is the coat.

Thursday is often a slow night, but not with thousands of college students who have just been informed that class is cancelled tomorrow due to the bad weather. Still, there is one guy studying Latin at the next table. He looks up as the two clubbing girls walk past, then back down.

Another couple is talking about the wild and strange surface of the snow again. Both wish they had their cameras with them. Who knows when it will ever look like this again?

It’s getting to be late January and the Christmas lights are waning here. Some are still up, but off. In Ethiopia today, it’s Epiphany. Flags line the street as their Christmas goes out with a bang. We front-load ours with so much noise and gift-giving that when Christ is finally born it’s too loud to hear him crying in the cradle.

Teaching a fundamental skill versus straight information impartation

(Warning: Unedited education theory rambling henceforth.)

One reason why Aural Skills (Ear training and sight singing) was the very best class in college was that it was the most like the establishment of the Kingdom of God. (I know, I know, this analogy is a stretch, here, but work with me.) The Law was heavy indeed, but redemption (albeit self-redemption) held even greater sway than all the law. You could fail and fail and fail throughout the year, but if you passed the final exam, you passed the class. End of story. All your previous failures were erased. The teacher knew that the journey might take you through some very low and dark places. If he wanted people that could perform on par from day 1 – what would there be to learn? Instead, we all got our asses kicked really hard. The question was not, “Can you do this?” but rather, “Here is how to do this. Now let’s do it over and over and over together. After a year, we’ll see if you did it enough to be comfortable with it now or if we should keep doing it together some more.” (Fail and repeat the course.)

This the opposite of, say, a history course where you read and listen to lectures, memorize the narrative, and the prove that you were able to pack it in your brain by answering some test questions every few weeks. If you drop the ball on one test, an A is no longer possible. Now, this may be an adequate way to learn some material, but how much more powerful is the immersion experience of the first method?

This is what I wonder: If the first method is the only really effective way to learn certain fundamental skills, while the second method is decent at non-fundamentals – what if the first method were used to learn everything else as well? It’s just called first-hand experience. Yeah, some deep pedagogical theory there, right? Blow you mind.

It’s simple. What was the most valuable thing about music school at the university? The private lessons? The theory? The history? No. Those were OK, but what was really fantastic was playing in hours and hours of ensembles every single day: Wind ensemble three times a week, choir three times a week, jazz band twice a week, marching band 5 times a week, chamber ensemble, studio, and at least once concert – every single week. That’s about twenty hours a week of real, completely tangible, dialed-in music making. Who cares if you could audition for the highest group? Just show up and play (or sing). How can you help but learn? You’re drowning in it! (In a good way.)

Now I love lectures too, but only if I can engage what is being discussed with the same level of intensity as watching the conductor. Possible – if the teacher is an especially good speaker or the material particularly and obviously fascinating. But most of the time? Not so much. I can tell you with full confidence: no amount of listening or study will make you like Brahms. The first symphony is a snore fest. But go actually PLAY some Brahms, every day for 2 months, and then try to tell me with a straight face that it doesn’t totally rock. (I was very fortunate to rehearse and perform his third symphony, double bass, when I was 16. Changed my life.) Reaching this sort of level of engagement is possible with any topic, but I feel that our most common pedagogy often gets in the way. School could be getting in the way of you learning something really amazing.

New daughter

I hear she’s talking up a storm – excited to show her new mommy everything. All I have are a few email reports from my wife and a couple of quick snapshots sent over African dial-up fast internet, but after 18 months of paper pregnancy and a brief few hours last fall, I finally get to meet her this coming Saturday.